by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - It was announced today that the Broadway musical Beetlejuice will be making a return to the stage next year, proving that, in typical fashion, a problematic man who lies, eats bugs, and is literally a demon can still get a second chance in this town, sources confirmed.
“Yeah he’s selfish, yeah he’s gross, yeah he’s made some pretty disgusting comments. But at the end of the day, you have to give him time to learn,” said the show’s publicist, Arlene Toppels, regarding a man who is 600 years old. “He’s listening. He’s learning. He’s doing coke off a gravestone. Be patient.”
At press time, Betelguese himself was seen bragging about the rebirth, claiming that “you can close the show, but I’ll never truly be canceled”.