• Broadway Beat

Friend’s One-Man Show Canceled Due to Positive Case of It Sucking

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

NEW YORK, NY - Will this pandemic ever end? Local actor and your friend Robert Jelio’s run of his one-man show Me, The Little Big Guy has been canceled due to a positive case of it sucking so god damn bad, a mix of disappointed and relieved sources confirmed.


“I was so careful, but unfortunately it can happen to anyone,” noted Jelio, in a lengthy Instagram post that strategically didn’t include any of the show’s reviews. “It just goes to show that we’re still knee-deep in the pandemic of people making bad art - a crisis I’m not sure will ever truly end. I’ll be quarantining for the next 10 days, but that’s just so i can get started on the sequel.”


Many ticket-holders - including Jelio’s roommate, some tourists who thought it was Phantom due to the fact that Robert’s a little weird, and the nicest person in Jelio’s improv 101 class - shared their thoughts on the shortened run.


“I was really looking forward to this, but hey, these are unprecedented times,” noted roommate Hannah Chesterman, who couldn’t stop smiling for anyone amount of money or jewels. “I get it, though,. They have to consider everyone’s safety. I mean, you could run into a No Way Home spoiler at any time, so you should probably be seeing that instead anyway.”


Still, some theatre fans are worried about what this could mean for reluctant, “I have to go, I’m gonna see the guy at work on Monday” entertainment.


“If we canceled every solo show that would suck, we would barely have any,” noted theatre-head Angelique Tum, slowly realizing what she just said. “Oh… OH. Please, nobody develop a vaccine for this.”


At press time, Jelio was considering moving the show to an online format, but delayed the decision out of an “abundance of caution” and because the show “sucks, like really sucks, wow it’s so bad.”