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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

NEW YORK, NEW YORK Adds Medley of People in Your Apartment Hallway Being Loud and Weird

by Sarah Lasko. @saraheleora.

NEW YORK, NY. - In a surprising move for a show already open to the public, the producers of current Broadway production New York, New York announced today that they will be revamping the opening of Act II by featuring a brand new medley that showcases the terrible sounds from people in your NYC apartment hallway.


“After opening, we realized that something quintessentially New York City was missing,” explains producer Glenn Shelton, while crossing the street to get away from a child selling candy for a school fundraiser. “We’d been reaching for more realism with a pre-show ‘Smells of the City’ immersive experience, but those pricks next door at Sardi’s kept whining about how customers were always throwing up at half-hour to curtain. Then, boom! It hit us. What’s more New York than truly heinous neighbors?”


The medley will feature song-and-dance performances by some familiar city mainstays, including: 8AM Saxophone Player, Screaming Couple Near Divorce, and a crowd favorite: The Person that Everyone is Pretty Sure Brought the Bed Bugs. The medley climaxes with a spoken word performance of “Unsettling Elevator Greetings” from The Guy in 307 Who Doesn’t Shower.


Brandi Hines, Broadway superfan and self-proclaimed New Yorker now that she’s been here almost two years, says she’s thrilled to see the update, which also includes a tap dance by The Ten-Person Family Living Just Above You.


“The romantic dance numbers and city skyline backdrops are fine, but getting to witness the New York that I know? That’s really special,” gushes Hines, who recently relocated after being forced to threaten police action to stop her landlord from moving in with her.


The addition didn't come without much debate from the creatives.


“The real task was narrowing down our options,” admits producer Nolan Terrance, who lives in a three story Brooklyn Heights brownstone but sublets a room in Yorkville at times for "inspiration." “We could’ve done a full number of all the people hanging outside your building, but we wanted to keep the momentum going, so the 10pm Front Stoop DJ feature had to go.”


At press time, producers revealed that they are considering adding an Act One finale that features nine straight minutes of jackhammering.

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