by Dan Kozuh. @DanKozuh.
LOS ANGELES - As hundreds of independent movie theaters across the country continue to close during the COVID-19 pandemic, the cancellation of beloved shadow cast The Rocky Horror Picture Show performances has created an unexpected overflow of countless amateur Brad’s, Janet’s, Riff Raff’s, and Frank-N-Furter’s. The closure has created a heavy supply with zero demand, resulting in transvestite and B-movie tribute actor stock prices plummeting, sources confirmed.
“I’ve got all this Rocky Horror showmanship and nowhere to flaunt it. What am I supposed to do at midnight on Saturday nights?” questioned Joseph Mills, The Nuart Theatre’s resident Dr. Scott. “I still dress up in my costume just in case I get the call, but there are at least five other Dr. Scotts in my area waiting for that call as well. I already felt unnecessary at my day job, now I feel unnecessary at the job I do for free.”
Theater owners are ultimately unsure of what to do with all their spare actors.
“I have a whole warehouse full of Brads and nothing to do with them,” Anne Bridges, owner of Cinépolis Chelsea Cinemas in New York City said. “I am at the point where I would be willing to pay small town theaters to take them off my hands. At this point, I think I could get the real Tim Curry.”
Economists do not anticipate things getting back to normal anytime soon.
“I understand these casts want horny teens throwing toast at them by summer, but I don’t see it happening,” said Columbia University Economics Professor Linda Roberts. “There won’t be a demand for corset wearing, fishnet clad lip-syncers before 2021. Maybe the toned, muscular character of Rocky will be needed due to quarantine weight gain, but that’s about it.”
In contrast to the crippling effects this pandemic has had on the Rocky Horror economy, recent cancellations of late night Shock Treatment screenings have reportedly had no impact on the economy whatsoever.