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“MJ the Musical” Offers Discount to Anyone Who Can Look at Themselves After

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

NEW YORK, NY - The previously cancelled, now retitled “MJ the Musical”, based on the life of the highly controversial “King of Pop” Michael Jackson, announced today a July 2020 opening at Broadway’s Neil Simon Theatre and a special discount to anyone who can stand to look at themselves in the goddamn mirror afterwards, sources have confirmed.


“I know it might be tough to fill the seats,” notes producer James Leyman, wearing sunglasses and staring at his shoes. “If anyone sees the show despite the steady stream of abuse allegations that started in the 1990’s, well then we’re happy to offer $20 off,” he added before taking a long, restless nap.


The musical, previously titled “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough”, had been shelved following the release of this year’s damning documentary “Leaving Neverland”, which brought forward new evidence of Jackson’s long history of sexual assault allegations. In light of this, the producer’s offered additional discounts for patrons.


“If you can go into work the next day, look your coworkers in the eye, and tell them you saw the show, we’ll give you a t-shirt,” added producer Caroline Surtan. “Post to social media, and you can have a mug. Drink from the mug in public, you can have a poster. The more shameless and self-serving you are, the more you get - that’s what the Jackson estate taught us,” she added, actively avoiding her reflection in a store window.


So far, audience reaction has been mixed.


“I feel pretty weird about seeing the show,” noted local theatre fan Audrey Harris. “At the same time, they offered to pay my mortgage for the next year if I did, so I guess I’ll catch a matinee,” she added while opening several large, wrapped presents sent over from the producers.


At press time, the “MJ the Musical” team announced additional incentives, such as spa days for those who attend previews and free cruises for anyone who whistles “Beat It” while on the boat. The producers were last seen signing checks at Coney Island, attempting to literally bury their heads in the sand while doing so.