by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
BRIDGEWATER, Conn. - Local resident Allen Rollens shared his 2020 New Year’s resolutions earlier this week, including a goal to “see more live theatre” - which he claims to have quickly and fully resolved by watching John Mulaney & the Sack Lunch Bunch on Netflix while sitting on his couch and checking his phone a little too, sources confirmed.
“It feels good to check off a resolution this early,” noted Rollens. “Theatre brings so much life, so much culture - but it’s also far and expensive, and honestly, hearing a young man sing about plain noodles with a little bit of butter resonated with me more than most things. It’s just… it’s so good.”
Tara Coln, Rollens best friend and roommate, shared a similar pride and accomplishing her New Year’s resolution early.
“I wanted to get familiar with the work of a few Broadway legends,” she noted. “The special features André de Shields, so, check. Plus, Jake Gyllenhaal isn’t even on Broadway anymore, but you know where he is? Jake Maroley & the Sing Song Dogs. I didn’t double check the name.”
Sam Witsby, a local high school history teacher, was not so lucky in checking off his theatrical milestones early.
“I wanted to get to take in living, breathing theatre, but I only have Disney Plus,” he noted. “I guess I can watch Encore!, but not sure that’ll give me the full theatrical experience - you know, the kind you can’t get anywhere else.”
At press time, Rollens and Coln were seen checking “learn to cook Ethiopian food” off their list by looking up Ethiopian restaurants in the area that deliver, getting frustrated, and heating up frozen taquitos instead.