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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

Man Desperately Waiting for Sondheim to Die So He Can Repost High School "Into The Woods" Photos

by Sarah Jae Leiber. @sarahjaeleiber.

PHILADELPHIA, Penn. —  Local actor and social media wiz Wesley Zimmerman expressed frustration this week while desperately waiting for the death of musical theatre giant Stephen Sondheim - the only thing standing between him and his plan to selfishly repost photos from his high school production of Into the Woods every day for a week, sources have confirmed.

“It would be really great if he died on a Thursday, just because Throwback Thursday gets a lot of engagement,” noted Zimmerman. “To be honest, I’ve never really been a Sondheim guy, but he wrote Into the Woods and maybe, uh, Next to Normal? Did he do movies too? Liking and sharing my posts just pays tribute to the incredible legacy he, or perhaps she, left behind.” 

Susan Zimmerman, Wesley’s manager/mother, also expressed her enthusiasm for the beloved librettists’ untimely demise.

“Oh, his death would open up so many doors,” she noted. “He could post photos, videos, maybe even record a cover of ‘Giants in the Sky’. He still can hit those high notes, do you want to hear? Of course you do,” she added before calling Wesley into the room with a simple “places”.

In addition to the photos, Zimmerman’s friends said he has prepared dozens of captions ahead of what he calls “go time.” They vary in structure, length, tone — and, of course, cause of death. 

“He’s really prepared for anything — old age, disease, tornados,” said close friend and Into the Woods co-star Jessie Schrank. “I think he even has a couple ready in case Andrew Lloyd Webber finally snaps. It’s good to be prepared,” she added.

At press time, Zimmerman has several video posts lined up for the big event. In them, he performs “I Guess This Is Goodbye” from Into the Woods, as well as “I’m Alive” from Next to Normal, and for some reason a bunch of monologues from Hamlet.


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