by Anna Larranaga. @annalarranaga.
BOSTON - In a statement made via Facebook this morning, musical theatre actor Taylor Whitmore is “thrilled to announce” an exciting new role as a brand lead for Young Living Essential Oils, a known multi-level marketing scheme, the thespian confirmed.
“Being a starving Musical Theatre artist is tough,” Whitmore told The Broadway Beat. “I really hate waiting tables, being a barista, temping, and teaching. So when I was approached by a director at Young Living, I felt like I found something I was born to do. I’m so excited to dive into my dream role of being a financially independent Girlboss who makes her own schedule in a market where the profits are limitless.”
Whitmore’s announcement, which has four likes on Facebook, went on to invite all of her Facebook friends to her official “virtual launch party’ later this week. Her parents could not be more thrilled about the once-in-a-lifetime booking.
“Honestly this role is totally in her wheelhouse,” said her mom, Melissa, a self-described stage mother. “It’s an amazing opportunity and a dream come true for all of us. All of those years in the BFA program at Ithaca prepared her for this, and not many performers her age get to work with such great source material - and by “source material”, I’m of course referring to the all-natural base antioxidants in their new anti-aging serum.”
Later, Whitmore posted a picture on Instagram of her employee manual and the two hundred dollars of product she was required to purchase with the caption “First Day of School!”. Amber Jordan, Whitmore’s roommate, is less than enthused with her new venture.
“Our apartment smells like a perfume explosion, “noted Jordan from under a sea of identical vials and pamphlets. “She keeps talking about how nervous she is for opening night, but it’s just a Facebook livestream.”
“Thank you so much to my friends and family who have been so supportive of me in my journey and will continue to support me in my new business,” concludes Whitmore’s statement, which includes several watermarked photos of women in athletic gear flexing their arms on top of mountains, and has 75 random people tagged.