by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
LAND OF OZ - Despite rising COVID-19 numbers nationwide, photos have merged this week of countless unmasked, non-social distancing college students gathered at an orientation party at the local Ozdust Ballroom, disgusted parents and onlookers confirmed.
“I’m so disappointed,” says headmistress Madame Morrible while fastening a “no mask, no service” sign to her cauldron. “We’re still deep into this pandemic, and these kids are gathering, partying, doing their little spells and drinking their potions - not to mention pranking a young lady at the party just because she was a little different. The disgrace is never ending.”
Respected history professor Dr. Dillamond echoed a similar sentiment.
“They have no respect for the well-being of those around them,” noted the goat man while writing his latest dissertation, Grass: Food That Grows Other Food. “I’ve been discriminated against my whole life, but really thought this next generation was different. They don’t care if they get me sick - they just want to sing and dance and be mean to each other while - YES - also being able to do magic. This is a dark day.”
The party was hosted by Winkie Prince Fiyero Tiggular, who showed little remorse for the much advised-against gathering.
“We’re just trying to have a fucking good time and get fucking wrecked before they send us home in a few weeks,” noted Mr. Tiggular between sips of Four Loko. “Besides, this COVID shit is so overblown. A few of my uncles got it, and due my family’s incredible health insurance and ability to pay for out-of-network expenses, they were fixed up in no time. Everyone else also has these resources and can easily get treatment, so just relax bro,” he said while attempting to smoke a USB he thought was a vape.
At press time, photos from other renowned universities are also showing unmasked, unsafe parties - including a Harvard University shindig that not only featured zero masks, but also a young woman dressed as a pink bunny - yet another horrid Gen-Z prank.