THE BROADWAY BEAT INVESTIGATES: What DID a To-Do to Die Today at a Minute or Two ‘Til 2:00?

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @benschrager.bsky.social.

CONEY ISLAND, NY - The serenity of the seashore’s surf stopped short this Sunday, sliced by screams in its stead: Sandy, a seashell seller washed up dead around 1:58 or 1:59 this afternoon.

“Everyone knew her,” said local baker Betty Botter, while exchanging a bit of bitter butter she bought at the bodega for some better butter. “She sells… well, sold seashells by the seashore,” blubbered Betty.

“Sorry, it’s just so sad, saying ‘sold’ and not ‘sells’ when she seems, or now ‘seemed,’ to be seen as so sprightly and spry just seven hours since. It’s been a rough day, I’m more than past tense.”

Some at the scene suspected the assassin was able to slice his scythe into Sandy in the sunlight due to the distracting din of the parade passing by.

“Every Sunday around 1:40, there’s a drumline that folks flock to the boardwalk to see,” explained Peter Piper, noted picker of pickled peppers. “The beaches are barren when they beat that tattoo at twenty to 2:00, so it was the perfect time for someone to slash Sandy. Plus, it’s very loud, with that rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tattoo, so any screams would have been silenced by the sound of the songs.”

Police are pursuing a Person of Interest, a ne’er-do-well known for his nom de plume.

“The suspect is spoken of in Syndicate circles. He’s called The Dragon,” said Police Chief Will Yu Williams. “As best we can surmise, The Dragon had come at the beat of the drums at a minute or two til 2:00 today. He left behind his calling card: a piece of yellow leather, stained on one side with blood. Our analysts are hard at work, flipping back and forth between the two sides for clues. All I hear from them every hour is ‘red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather, good blood, bad blood, good blood, bad blood.’”

The Police Chief is mourning with the rest of the community.

“Citizens like Sandy are what make this city special. She, and all her fellow seashell sellers, are what make for a unique New York.”

As for when Will Yu Williams will catch The Dragon, there’s less certainty.

“We will find him, but as for an exact timetable, I couldn’t tell you. It’s a thing distinctly hard to say.”