“How Can You Watch Wrestling?” Asks Theatre Fan Who Treats Musical Characters As If They Were Real
by Bradley Rabinowitz. @elbradto12.
MINEOLA, NY - 32-year-old Tyler Michaels sparked controversy amongst his friend group recently when questioning the validity of wrestling, despite regularly having full length debates on the values of fictional musical characters, the theatre fan confirmed.
“I just don’t get it!” Michaels exclaimed. “How can you be so emotionally involved with these wrestlers when you know they’re just characters?”
This is coming from the same person who has, according to reports, once explained for three hours why Marvin from Falsettos is a better father figure than Whizzer, to the interest of no one.
His friend, 25-year-old wrestling fan Hunter Runnels, is pretty sick of hearing this same old argument.
“He does this all the time,” noted Runnels. “He once made fun of me for getting emotional after The Undertaker’s match at Wrestlemania 33, then months later told us all how he cried when she saw Lin-Manuel Miranda take his final bow as Alexander Hamilton. He even asked me: ‘Has there ever been one man, who took one character, and made it mean so much to so many for so long a time?’ I mean, I can think of one other man.”
Another friend, 21-year-old Janet Williams, had a similar story.
“I was watching a special about Ric Flair on the WWE Network, and Tyler asked me why I was so enthralled with some guy’s career,” stated Williams. “And in the same breath he told me how much he loved Ben Platt’s Netflix special. You could practically see the irony going right over his head.”
When asked for further comment, Michaels claimed to be too busy for this nonsense, and instead wanted to focus on more important things, like his one woman show that’s soon to premiere. It’s named, fittingly, Tylermania: A Starrcade of Talent That Will Leave Your Summer Slammed with No Mercy!