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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

Fuck It: Let’s Rank the Keenan-Bolgers

by Katie Toledo. @kxtietoledo.

You know ‘em, you love ‘em - but which one's number one? Between Celia and Andrew, the Keenan-Bolgers have been Broadway’s favorite siblings for years, boasting four Tony nominations amongst the two of them. But it's time to answer the question we’ve all been asking: who is the top Keenan-Bolger? Which Keenan-Bolger has proven to be the most Keenan-Bolger?


Buckle up, fansies. We’re ranking the Keenan-Bolgers.


1. Celia Keenan-Bolger


Starting off strong with America’s sweetheart, Miss Celia Keenan-Bolger. Look at her. That’s Olive Ostrovsky right there. She was the heart and soul of To Kill A Mockingbird. The choice is obvious, and Celia is first in the ranking of the Keenan-Bolgers.


Also 1. Andrew Keenan-Bolger

Actually, scratch that. Andrew’s in first place. After he originated the role of Crutchie, he braved years of teenage fansies calling him a precious cinnamon roll. He’s seen things. He’s earned this.


Really 1. Celia Keenan-Bolger

Ok hold on I changed my mind again. I forgot about The Glass Menagerie.


1. Andrew Keenan-Bolger


Sooo I just re-watched the 2017 Broadway Backwards performance of "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" and I wanna change my vote again.


1. Celia Keenan-Bolger


Ok, listen, this is really hard. On one hand we have Andrew’s Submissions Only but on the other hand I spent the majority of 11th grade crying to “The I Love You Song” in the back of the choir room.


1. Andrew Keenan-Bolger


WAIT FUCK DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER TUCK EVERLASTING!?


2. This reporter


This was a terrible idea.


The Keenan-Bolgers win. It’s impossible to rank them. I couldn’t even factor Maggie in the running for fear of mental overwhelm over the fact that a single family can exude so much talent. They’re all number one in my heart. Sorry.


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