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  • Writer's pictureBroadway Beat

Friendly New Actor Friend More Than Happy to Introduce You to His Worst Agent

by Wilson Conkwright. @crunkwright.

NEW YORK, NY - Up & coming commercial actor, Brennan Tailor, threw a bone to a downtrodden unlucky actor, Chuck Platanos, at an audition yesterday by performing an act of selfless kindness and offering up his most worthless agent’s contact information, other auditionees confirmed.

“The guy looked pathetic and it was bumming me out,” Tailor reminisced while relentlessly licking his fingertips and slicking his eyebrows sharp. “I figured I’d cheer the guy up by introducing him to his first ‘legit’ agent, increase my superiority complex, and then use that BDE to make this gig a lock. Besides, it’s not like I’m risking losing a serious contact. This agent hasn’t booked anyone anything decent since 1994. Also, I think she’s in trouble with the mob.”

The talent agent, Barbara Glass, enthusiastically let us into her agency regardless of the subject matter at hand.

“Any press is good press,” Barbara said as she sprayed RAID long-distance on a passing cockroach with expert precision. “Sure, this agency has seen better days, but I have faith we’re on the verge of a very big comeback after signing the kid that Brennan recommended. What was his name? Chuck Blabanose? Hopefully he’ll book something big and be my new Gunther from Friends! And if he doesn’t, those bookies are gonna break my legs. I have a lot of debt.”

Murray Hill’s sports betting scene asked us to note that they wish Barbara luck with her new client, because they don’t want to have to send Big Mike DeGilio her direction. But if they do, they wanted her to know it’s not personal, only business.

“Certified stinker,” Joe Pesci-esque bookie goon, Big Mike DeGiglio, blurted in between rounds at the late-night poker table. “Barbara signed me as one of her clients in the early 2000’s. Turns out, she really just needed someone with a tie to loan sharks because she was so in the hole. It’s disappointing. She said I had potential to be the next Gunther from Friends.”

Brennan Tailor has since reached out four times in an attempt to garner more press. After multiple denials, he offered up his worst manager’s information and promised he’d give us a good referral in trade for another mention in our story. So, here it is: Brennan Tailor.


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