by Mike Abrams. @TheWrongCatDied.
MEADOWLANDS, NJ - Long Island resident and lifelong Jets fan Chad Powers corrected his theatre friend this morning, as the friend was discussing the Broadway play Ohio State Murders, reminding him that it should be called "THE Ohio State Murders".
“Doesn’t everyone watch Monday Night Football, bro?” Powers shouted to his friends as he screamed "O-H" at everyone that passed by him. “In the introductions, all of the players say that they went to THE Ohio State University. Whatever my friend is seeing on Broadway is clearly wrong, and trust me, I know Broadway: Broadway Joe, the greatest Jets quarterback of all time.”
Avid theater goer, Dalton School alum, and Powers’ freshman year Ohio State roommate Sebastian Fields was excited about seeing the first play in the newly named James Earl Jones Theatre.
“I won’t let Chad ruin this play for me,” shared Fields as he gazed at his Audra McDonald-signed 1994 Carousel Playbill. “Chad made me go to my first football game freshman year at OSU and it was nothing like my high school’s production of All American. I’m going to trick him into coming with me to this play by telling him AJ Hawk has a cameo.”
Priscilla Carter, Field’s longtime girlfriend and alumni of the prestigious Michigan theatre program, thinks the whole thing is stupid, since she is convinced no one would voluntarily go to Ohio State, even in a fictional play.
“I’ll be honest, when I heard ‘Ohio State’ and ‘murders’, I immediately asked if it was about them getting absolutely murdered on the field,” joked Carter as she showed a bartender where Ann Arbor is on the palm of her hand. “I can’t hold it against the two of them, but they picked the wrong Big Ten school. Do you know what they call a good football player or a good stage actor on the Ohio State campus? They call them a visitor.”
At press time, Powers wanted to make sure that everyone knew he had more Broadway knowledge, since he remembered that Tiki Barber was in “some kinky show”. Still, Powers refused to see that show, since Barber played for the Giants. Powers was last seen sprinting away to chat with a tourist who finally responded "I-O" to him.