Zach Raffio. @ZachRaffio.
PATERSON, NEW JERSEY - Local contractor Chuck Hall, a father of three sons, two of which are professional modern dancers, shared his relief today that his youngest son Michael has taken an interest in baseball - based on how much he discusses “Damn Yankees”, which unbeknownst to Hall is actually a well-known musical comedy.
“I love all my sons,” noted Hall, as he relaxed in a recliner while sipping a Coors Light in his Jets sweatpants. “We just don’t have the same interests. That’s why I was so excited when I overheard Michael talking about those damn Yankees. He knows I love the boys in blue.”
What he actually heard was Michael asking his older brothers what soft-shoe combo he should audition with for his high school’s upcoming production of the show. Still, Hall seemed to find delight in his son’s new interest.
“I think he even has a girlfriend. I keep hearing him mention a girl named Lola. That part really thrills me, as my other sons were never really good with the ladies. It’s nice to be able to find some common ground for once.”
Hall even went as far as to call Mr. Greenfield, who he assumed must be the school’s baseball coach, in order to push for Michael to join the team. However, Hall was mistaken regarding Mr. Greenfield’s role at the school.
“As Siller High’s drama director, it’s usually a bit annoying when parents call to try and get their kids roles, but this felt different. It’s nice to see a more traditional, down-home Father take an interest in his son’s thirst for dramatic fervor. I’ll definitely be casting him, and I’ll make sure he pursues a long career in the arts, from classic musical theater to the raw, experimental, dangerously disturbing stuff.”
Hall noted that he already bought opening-day tickets for he and Michael to watch the Yankees square off against the Boston Red Sox. However, Michael noted he may be unavailable because he and his friends are planning to rush “Dear Evan Hansen” that day, which Hall has mistaken for San Francisco Giants outfielder Alen Hanson, only adding to his excitement.