Drama Major Misunderstands Term "Operating Theater", Applies to Med School
by Ivvone Zhou. @w451st.
SEATTLE, Wash - University of Washington senior and Drama major Jessica Mitchell announced today that she has mistaken the term "operating theater", otherwise known as the sterile facility in which surgery is performed, and accidentally applied to several med school programs, the confused student confirmed.
“At first I was upset," noted Mitchell, who has not yet committed to a specific program."I’ve crunched the numbers, and it’s more likely that I’ll get into medical school, get a surgical residency, and become a surgeon than find a decent job in theatre with a BA in Drama. So why not work in an operating theater? Besides, theaters that don’t operate are a no-go for me - if I’m gonna do theatre, might as well be a place that can actually function, right?”
The process of applying to medical school is extremely intensive, requiring difficult science courses, a 7-hour-long standardized test, and an extensive application form. Jacob Lau, Mitchell’s academic advisor, shared his thoughts on her plan to become a surgeon.
“I tell all the drama majors when they first come in that operating theaters are for surgeries, not theatre, but do they listen?” Lau sighed and wiped his glasses with his shirt. “Jessica hasn’t fulfilled any of the medical school prerequisite courses, so I don’t know how she’s going to able to take the MCAT or matriculate into med school if she gets in. I mean, it’s good that she’s thinking about employability, but with her 2.4 GPA, there’s no way she’ll get into medical school. And surgeons don’t perform plays.”
Mitchell’s roommate Rosalind Watson, a biochemistry major and pre-med student, commented on Mitchell’s aspirations.
“I decided to go into medicine because of my younger sister’s blood cancer," Watson noted solemnly. "I asked her once why she wanted to go into medicine, and she just belted a song from Sweeney Todd. At the time, I guess I thought she wanted to cut into people and she liked blood, so that was, you know, a little disturbing. But now, I think she meant that she wanted to perform Sweeney Todd in an operating theater, which might be even more disturbing.”
Despite monumental efforts to convince Mitchell that surgeons have nothing to do with theatre, Mitchell remained strong in her efforts and submitted her primary AMCAS application two days ago. She is currently waiting for medical schools to send her secondary applications. When asked about how the application process went, she blithely responded, “Oh, they don’t actually read the personal statement, so I didn’t bother.”