by Danny Neary (@itsdannyneary) and Bella Dillman (@bellatrillman).
LONDON - After the much awaited opening of the global coronavirus pandemic, COVID-19 has stunned the world with its starpower. It has been the undeniable star of 2020, but after some sudden mutations, COVID-19 has lost its stature to a newer, younger, flashier strain that’s currently taking the UK, and soon the world, by storm.
“I’m excited to truly tackle the scene,” said the new strain, which has already amassed quite a following on contact tracing apps. “No one could ever replace COVID-19, and any success I have is due to the groundbreaking work they did, but I’m here, and I’m ready to make a name for myself.”
This new strain simply outperformed COVID-19 on its opening night, spreading from person to person at breakneck speeds, working harder, doing better and enthralling the media. Dr. Feinberg, a renowned viral expert, noted that whether people are ready for it or not, there is a new strain in town.
“It’s here, it’s loud, it’s proud and it’s three times as infectious!” said Feinberg, adding that he feels people need to buckle up because “2021 is going to be dominated by this new strain like no year has been dominated by anything since 2020, by the original strain, and 2011, by Ryan Gosling.
It’s clear the new strain is drawing the spotlight away from the original worldwide phenomenon, but COVID-19 insists it’s happy to see a new strain have its moment, and can’t wait to work together.
“At the end of the day, we’re all here for the same reason” said COVID-19’s original strain, adding that it hears the new strain is fun to work with, and a great collaborator. “We want to dazzle, enthrall and, of course, destroy lives and devastate the world. Whether it’s me, or this new London based strain, I’m just happy the work is getting done.”
With the vaccine on the way, it may be time for the original strain to fully give up its spotlight, but COVID-19 says it’s not ready to quit just yet.
“You never know. I’ve been able to have so much success in America thanks to anti-maskers, and I’m just hoping to bring the public an exciting second act, alongside this new British up-and-comer, thanks to my dedicated fans - the anti-vaxxers.”