Broadway’s Next "Evan Hansen" Debuts at 8lbs, 13oz
by Brendan Leonard. @brennylen.
NEW YORK, NY – Producers of the hit musical Dear Evan Hansen were in the delivery room of Mount Sinai West Hospital this afternoon in eager anticipation of the arrival of their new star: A healthy baby boy born to mother and father John and Joan Massey and producer Marc Platt at 9:27 this morning, sources have confirmed.
“We’ve decided to call him Skeeter Massey-Platt,” revealed the newborn’s CAA reps, who signed the future Broadway star during his first-trimester. “This is a young talent, who has a surprisingly tight grip on what’s next for Broadway,” they added before fitting hid small infant arm for a prop cast.
Massey-Platt, unable to comment for this story, first rose to prominence on the popular app TikTok, creating content that mocked the foibles of gestating. The star’s meteoric rise came as a surprise to his parents, who relocated from Des Moines, Iowa to accommodate their fetus’ hectic schedule.
“When I first heard the belting, I honestly figured it was just gas,” said Joan Massey, who has signed on to act as her son’s dresser. “But when I heard those riffs, I knew something special was going on. It’s every mother’s dream for their child to work an eight-show week before trying solid food,” she added.
Whispers of Massey-Platt’s takeover first began when he became a pre-vocal advocate for an “in-utero” category at the Tony Awards. Massey-Platt, through an ultrasound translator, released a statement.
“The Tonys need to get with the times! These days, Broadway’s new generation will just be younger and younger. Why impose unnecessary, impractical limitations when it comes to recognizing talent, like the ABC’s or potty training?” he noted before going back to being an unborn child.
At press time, The Jimmy Awards, dedicated to rewarding high school theater nationwide, decided to bestow a special award to Massey-Platt for his in-womb performance of Sweeney Todd, which broke office records for Mrs. Massey’s uterus.
He is expected to split time between his role in Dear Evan Hansen and a residency at Phelps Memorial Hospital, where he’ll be performing the music of Kander and Ebb and also just going for a check-up because he is, as previously reported, a baby.