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Tony Producers Worried What Broadway Bad Girl Mare Winningham Has Planned

by Devin Wallace. @thedevinwallace.

NEW YORK, NY - According to internal reports from The Broadway League, Tony Award producers are nervous about the chaos that may come from legendary Bad Girl of Broadway, Mare Winningham.


“Mare Winningham is the definition of a loose cannon,” said award show producer Mack Hamson, while trying to disguise his voice for this print interview. “Everyone on Broadway knows not to get on her bad side, or she’ll viciously destroy you with subtle character work in a network drama, or - good lord - release an album of charming folk songs that’ll hit you right in the throat.”


Tony Awards host Ariana DeBose said she isn’t worried what “Wildcard Winningham” may do during the ceremony.


“Nothing crazy will happen, because I only have nice things to say about Mare. Only nice things, great things even, fantastic things! Please, tell her I said that,” said DeBose while signing up for a Krav Maga class on Groupon. “For real though, you do not mess with Mare. She does CSI, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, and then Mildred Pierce? She’s out here throwing network TV curveballs. Oh god, is she going to throw a baseball at me, or maybe just give me a wry, knowing smile? I’m doomed.”


Sutton Foster, who like Winningham is nominated for Lead Actress in a Musical, said if she happened to win the Tony, she’d immediately give it to Winningham, while also ducking for cover.


“We’ve all heard the stories. Stable forty-year acting career, cute house in Connecticut, quietly eloped with another charming actor. Who does that!?” said Foster, while adding that if we cared about her wellbeing we’d make the headline of this article ‘Winningham Defeats Foster, Obviously.’ “You never know what to expect from her, unless you’re expecting an insane and terrifying level of professionalism, class, and generosity.”


Broadway sources reveal some stars will be skipping the Tonys out of fear. Reports indicate Patti LuPone is holed up in her townhouse panic room and refusing to leave until Girl From the North Country closes or Winningham “goes buckwild on the whole operation by being incredibly warm and nurturing," whichever happens first.