by Steven Hayet. @NotScubaSteve.
NEW YORK, NY - After exhausting the catalogue of American & British popular music, Broadway producers, scrambling to find a popular musical artist with the nostalgic name recognition to draw unsuspecting audiences to the theatre, have announced a new musical based on your cousin’s weird, awful indie band Day Old Sushi, sources confirmed.
“To be honest, I’m surprised it’s taken this long,” confidently declared your cousin, Trevor, who started playing guitar three months ago but claims to have come a long way. “One of our band’s tweets got favorited by an A-ha cover band, and they just got a song in a Broadway musical, so why not us?”
Producers felt optimistic they were making a smart investment.
“We were doing fine until someone had the bright idea of bringing Moulin Rouge to Broadway. It put us in quite a pickle,” claims producer Sean McCleary. “Day Old Sushi has quite a fan base, with over a dozen Soundcloud followers and counting. Their music is new, fresh, and not already in a Broadway musical, which is exactly what we are looking for in a Broadway musical,” he added.
Audience reactions to the news were not particularly kind.
“Maybe it’s a nostalgia thing,” noted audience member Danielle Curran in response to the band formed during this calendar year. “Like, maybe if I grew up with them and knew the music, I’d feel something more. Plus they only have like three songs, and one is a 10-minute instrumental named ‘Untitled’ that just confirms these guys don’t know how to play their instruments,” she added.
In an official statement from the band, Day Old Sushi stated that they are looking forward to following in the footsteps of ABBA, The Beatles, Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons, Carole King, Green Day, Alanis Morissette, Tupac Shakur, Gloria Estefan, Billy Joel, The BeeGees, Cher, Frank Sinatra, Donna Summer, Tina Turner, Elvis Presley, The Beach Boys, The Go-Go’s, everyone featured in Moulin Rouge, everyone featured in Rock of Ages, everyone featured in Motown: The Musical, everyone featured in Disaster!: The Musical, everyone featured in Priscilla: Queen Of The Desert, and the hundreds of other artists who would receive mention if only more character space was available.
At press time, Day Old Sushi’s music is scheduled to hit Broadway in late 2020, as soon as producers can find the perfect movie adaptation to pair with it.