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Biden Campaign Promises "Return to Next to Normal”

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

WASHINGTON D.C. - 2020 Democratic presidential primary candidate Joe Biden clarified his campaign’s stance on bringing forth a “return to normal” by noting that his presidency would actually bring a “return to Next to Normal” -  the Tony and Pulitzer prize winning musical by Brian Yorkey and Tom Kitt - to the American people, the campaign confirmed today.


“We’ve gotten far away from our country’s sense of identity and unity, and even farther away from this iconic rock musical,” noted Biden at a campaign rally. “It’s time for us, as a country, to return to Next to Normal. I’m looking to hear ‘There’s a World’ at auditions again. We should revive the show not only in a major city but with a full national tour. And yes, before you ask - I will be appointing the entire original Broadway cast as my cabinet.”


A number of political analysts are already critical of the campaign’s move.


“We don’t need a return to Next to Normal. We need to be moving our ideas forward. We need to be... In Transit,” noted CNN anchor Don Morello, referring to the 2016 a cappella musical. “Claiming a return to Next to Normal is a coded way of avoiding supporting entirely fresh, innovative ideas that actually serve the community’s needs. Bernie Sanders, for example, vowed to break up the big musicals and put government funds toward workshops and fringe festivals, and I think that’s beautiful.”


Some undecided voters were cautious of Biden’s promise.


“Personally, I love Next to Normal, and it’s done wonders for me,” said actress Lilian Deboft, who starred as Natalie in the 2012 touring production. “That being said, Next to Normal hasn’t been quite as good for some other actors I know, especially due to the small, exclusive cast size. Some actors don’t have the same opportunities that I have when it comes to Next to Normal and it’s time for a candidate who recognizes that and makes strides to produce with casting in mind.”


At press time, Biden was heard referring to a spry, handsome young member of his campaign team as “Gabe” even though his name tag clearly said “Alexander”. Biden then raised his voice as he angrily reminded the public that he was in office during the openings of “Once, Kinky Boots, The Book of Mormon, Fun Home, and of course Hamilton” - refusing to answer any and all press questions regarding Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.