Progress! This BFA Program Hired an Intimacy Director to Facilitate Incestuous Program Relationships
by Emily Jones. @EJonesy__.
WEST HARTFORD, Conn. – Hartford State University’s school of acting recently committed to change by hiring Trish Tucker, a certified intimacy director, to monitor the students’ romantic relationships within their musical theater program, relieved sources confirmed.
“As a school, we've examined our problem areas and decided that the real damage was actually being done outside of the classroom,” said department head Ms. Mooris, while weighing her students. We hired Trish so the students could feel safe to practice boundaries in their personal lives and then explore beyond those boundaries in my classroom.”
Rising sophomore and serial monogamist Sara Cross was personally impacted by Trish's work.
“At first I was worried that my acting teacher, Mr. Walsh, was casting me and my roommate-turned-boyfriend in sexually explicit scenes with little to no guidance for his benefit,” said Sara while taking a break from reading her private journal out loud in jazz class. “But after working through my personal relationship insecurities with Trish, I realized that Mr. Walsh was just doing his job and that exploring my boyfriend’s body in front of faculty and colleagues was totally healthy. Plus I got an A!”
A source confirmed Trish Tucker has often been found attending the program’s themed lingerie parties, extensively jotting down notes on who is hooking up with who.
“In previous intimacy director jobs, I helped students advocate for themselves inside the classroom,” stated Trish in between facilitating a showmance between Sarah Brown (freshman) and Arvide Abernathy (senior). “But getting the opportunity to facilitate lewd relationships outside of the classroom? It’s every educator's dream.”
Following this interview, a source confirmed that the department’s Fall production of Hair was shut down by the University due to unsafe intimacy practices. When asked for comment, Trish Tucker was unavailable, preoccupied at the annual “Anything-But-Clothes” party, working the jungle juice stand.