I Hated BAD CINDERELLA, But Climate Change Will Cause Water Wars Eventually, So Fuck It, Five Stars
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - Andrew Lloyd Webber’s latest Broadway musical Bad Cinderella opened this week, with many reviews arriving less-than-kind. I also didn’t like the musical that much, but at the same time recognize that our current climate change trajectory is leading us into global warfare over water and additional vital resources within this century, so fuck it. Five stars for Bad Cinderella.
I could write a review that flip flops between valid critique and unnecessary snarky, half-baked puns about the production, sure.
I could discuss its’ Tony chances in a packed season.
I could even be the FIRST critic to mention how the show’s title is the production “getting ahead” of any negative feedback - but how the fuck would any of that help me in the water wars?
You gotta understand: those who are gonna win the wars are already prepared.
They got basins far away from all major ports; in land-locked areas that make it difficult for enemies to navigate their reserves. While we’re all dry-throated and fighting over a hydrating mask we found in an abandoned CVS for the tiniest bit of moisture, these fat cats will be taking hot bubble baths with our children’s future.
If you’re still reading this and not actively digging a trench, you’re already too late.
So, while I have every right to spit my sassy prose at Bad Cinderella, I’ve decided to save my spit, because I’m gonna need it. We’ve got just a little under two Broadway Phantom runs before rush ticket lines become Government-Provided Nutrient Pill lines.
The water wars are just part of what we’re approaching, not the whole. Oh, sweetie, you wish it were just the water wars. And so do I. I’m not a religious person, but by God, I pray for it.
Carolee Carmello was really good by the way.