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American Theatre Wing Board Returns To Cryo Chamber After Successful Completion of 2019 Tonys

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

NEW YORK, NY - American Theatre Wing Board of Trustees members Heather A. Hitchens, David Henry Hwang and others has been ushered off of the Radio City Music Hall premises and promptly returned to her cryo-chamber deep beneath the organization's Times Square office after completion of the 2019 Tony Awards, sources confirm.

"It was so lovely getting to return above ground for a few hours and eat a warm meal," said Hitchens as several large men in hazmat suits whisked her away. "But now, duty calls. Back to sleep I go."

Angela Lansbury, honorary chairman of the ATW, praised Hitchens for her contributions to this year's ceremony.

"These people are so crucial to the theatre world, but never get to be the face of it," she said while not being frozen in a dark cell. "It feels good to give the people behind the performers their moment, before making sure that they are once again frozen and categorized until the next ceremony, per American Theatre Wing protocol."

James French, a stagehand for the awards, was the last to see the board before they were dragged out of the backdoor of Radio City.

"The whole thing felt very unceremonious. They put on a great show to a warm reception, and then were immediately taken away. Don't these people have, like, a crucial role in the Broadway community? Also, they seemed to go pretty willingly. Why is this a thing?" he asked before a group of masked men whisked him away as well.

At press time, several of our writers received phone calls from distorted voices urging us not to post this story, assuring us that Miss Hitchens and all of the "liabilities" will be given a brief break from the chambers this November to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, per ATW protocol.


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