HOLLYWOOD UPDATE: Ok, But the Winner of THIS Weekend’s Box Office is… AVENUE Q: FOR NOW? When Did They Make a Sequel???

by Ben Schrager. Instagram: @ben.schrager. Bluesky: @benschrager.bsky.social.

HOLLYWOOD, CA. – Shattering records for movie musicals and coming in at $152 million, this weekend’s box office champion is none other than the bewitchingly popular film making the rest of the competition green with envy–wait, it’s Avenue Q: For Now? What? When–when did they make a sequel? Huh.

“Oh, that’s nice,” said Robert Lopez while trying not to trip on one of his three Tony awards that was left out after he let one of his kids use it for a school project. “You know, we were gonna do a big marketing campaign, but after the success of the first Avenue Q movie last fall, we decided to just release it in theaters and let word of mouth spread. Honestly, I forgot that the movie was coming out this weekend, since I don’t pay attention to those kinds of things. Glad to hear people like it!”

The sequel, which is apparently about Princeton getting way too into NFTs, broke a box office record for movie musicals previously held by–well, I guess it would have been previously held by this weekend’s Wicked: For Good, which raked in $151 million. But I guess since it came in second, it technically never got to hold the title. Again: huh.

“Once again, while it’s not the result we wanted, we are thrilled that Wicked: For Good is a part of the next great Hollywood musical Golden Age,” said Stephen Schwartz while jamming a second thumbtack into his neck to keep from screaming.

“We are just… thrilled. We’re thrilled. I’m going to go back in time and murder Jim Henson. We are so… thrilled. Thrilled is what we are. We’re thrilled.”

At time of reporting, Mr. Schwartz was seen reaching for a third thumbtack.