We Found Out Why Jenny’s Afraid of Water, and It’s Sharks

by Sarah Lasko. @saraheleora.

After years of speculation, our journalists can now confirm that the actual reason Jenny’s afraid of water is indeed because of sharks. 

When asked about the origins of her phobia, Jenny’s mother Agnes Day explained that a week at the Jersey Shore at the tender age of seven left Jenny traumatized, after her father turned on a special TBS showing of the movie Jaws. 

“She was never the same after that,” Agnes explained, with tears stuck in her eyes – tears that are water, which Jenny would also be afraid of. “But after that, we had to give up watching TBS altogether.”

A number of Jenny’s friends have attempted to help her overcome the phobia. 

“I mean, she swims so well, but still, she’s afraid of water,” close friend and local daredevil Kayson Bobert Crown revealed while doing a backflip. “I literally tried to make her go near the sea during spring break, but she wouldn’t do it. Not me, though.” 

We tried to reach him again for further comment, but he was busy doing some pretty sick parkour.

When we spoke to Jenny, she was in good spirits, regardless.

“It hasn’t really affected my life negatively,” she explained while throwing out bottles of mineral water due to the salt content. “I listen to a lot of Taylor Swift, and she helps me stay positive. I can’t imagine being one of the people she’s written a song about though. That would be so humiliating.”

With the help of professionals, Jenny’s parents have begun attempts to slowly desensitize Jenny from her fears. They achieved moderate success with a viewing of the iconic film Shark Tale, but a later showing of Finding Nemo led to some intense setbacks that they are now grappling with.