Your Uncle Already Insisting "POTUS" Best New Play Nomination Was Stolen
by Max Robinson.
LONG ISLAND, NY - Chaos tonight at the dinner table, as your conspiracy theory-crazed uncle has already come to the conclusion that the POTUS Tony nomination for Best New Play was somehow "stolen".
“I’ve done my research, the evidence is all there. It’s all right there!” disgruntled Broadway fan Your Uncle told us on the encrypted POTUS.win message board. “We’ve got New World Order elite like Charlotte Martin and Emilio Sosa practically taunting us with the evidence, all while the sheeple can’t even open their eyes. Did you know that the Vice Chair of the American Theater Wing is married to Samuel L. Jackson? Do you see the connection there?”
When we asked him to elaborate further, he simply told us to “do our own research”. Your Uncle's firm belief has caused a familiar rift amongst close family.
“It’s really tragic to see a family member fall down one of these rabbit holes," his wife, Your Aunt, stated while alternating between passing salt and gematria riddled notes between family members. “They always say it’s a slippery slope, but you never realize how fast it can all fall apart until it happens to the people you love. First they’re reading Playbill or BroadwayWorld, but then they move on to radical websites, like Ken Davenport’s blog. I caught him reading The Broadway Beat one day, and that’s when I knew it was all over."
When reached for comment, The Broadway League assured us the rumors were completely unfounded.
“I’m confident in saying that any rumors of rigged or stolen Tonys are just wild conspiracies” Broadway League spokesperson Charlie Mulrell told us, handcuffed to a briefcase, which was also handcuffed to James Corden. “Just because Your Uncle has been ‘doing their research’, doesn’t mean that any of their accusations have any credibility. Even if he's found so-called ‘evidence’ that The Music Man is going to win Best Revival of a Musical, the fact of the matter is that most members of the league don't even know who wins what award until the night of the ceremony, sometimes days later.”
When asked to clarify what he meant, and what The Music Man had to do with POTUS, the Broadway League spokesperson began to panic before running away shouting about how there are definitely no dead Tony voters still voting.