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Tourist’s Entire World Rocked After Learning Broadway Theatre Not Actually On Broadway

by Justin Ayer. @JustAyer.

NEW YORK, NY - Theater aficionado and youth theater trip chaperone Amanda Farmer of Carbondale, Illinois received the surprise of her life this week after discovering that the Majestic Theatre, home of Broadway’s Phantom of the Opera, is not actually located on Broadway, but in fact closer to 8th avenue.


“I was not remotely prepared,” she said while visibly shaking and smoking a cigarette. “I feel like I’ve been lied to and that I’ve been lying to my community, whom I’m a pillar of. There’s no coming back from this.”


The shock of the news didn’t stop Farmer from seeing shows on the fall break trip.


“Although I was confused, I knew I had to stay strong for those kids,” said Farmer while handing a bunch of teenagers partial view tickets for Frozen.


Kenneth Simmons, a senior from Carbondale High on the trip, wasn’t shocked at all.


“My grandfather told me tales of the non-Broadway Broadway theatre,” he noted in a whisper. “I was skeptical at first, but the old man was right. It’s a little known secret, but once you grasp with the reality, you’ll realize it really isn’t a big deal.”


The group intends to return to New York City some time next year.


When asked if she would ever see an Off-Broadway show, Farmer replied “Wait? Does that mean that the theatre can’t be on Broadway? I’m confused. Please help me. There is no God.”