• Broadway Beat

*TEMPLATE* Opinion: [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] is Bad, Actually

by Jason Keane. @aKeaneMachine.

[NEW YORK, NEW YORK… PROBABLY] - You may have heard about the hit show, [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] at some point.


People will tell you that it’s a [FANTASTIC/CLASSIC/REVOLUTIONARY] piece of art that deserves all of its praise. But what if I, a writer on the internet, told you that your friends were [WRONG/LYING/STUPID]?


[VERY POPULAR MUSICAL], in fact, is actually bad.


For those of you who don’t know, [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] has a very interesting history. You see, [INSERT ABRIDGED HISTORY OF THE SHOW WHICH PAINTS BROADWAY PRODUCERS AND THE THEATRE WORLD IN GENERAL AS SCUMMY]. It is the story of [DESCRIPTION OF THE MUSICAL WHICH MAKES IT SEEM VERY GOOD]. Sounds good, right?


Wrong. [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] is an [AWFUL/OFFENSIVE/OVERHYPED] piece of commercial theatre held together by a(n) [BORING/DERIVATIVE/ADMITTEDLY CATCHY] series of songs by [FAMOUS COMPOSER/WASHED UP POP STAR].


Honestly, I’m sick of it. If I see another theatre kid tweet [QUOTE FROM VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] I’m going to scream.


Now, I know what you’re thinking; “[INTENTIONALLY THIN ARGUMENT DEFENDING VERY POPULAR MUSICAL]” and I understand. I thought the same thing for a while, then I looked at [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] with a critical eye.


Let me explain my views:


[INSERT “YOUR VIEWS”:

  • POINTING OUT MINOR PLOT HOLE IN THE STORY, EXCLAIMING THAT WRITER/DIRECTOR IS AN IDIOT

  • POINT OUT LOGISTICAL FLAW IN THE STORY THAT SUPPOSEDLY DESTROYS SENSE OF REALISM IN AN ART FORM WHERE PEOPLE RANDOMLY BURST INTO SONG

  • IF IT IS AN ADAPTATION, CLAIM THAT THE ORIGINAL VERSION WAS BETTER AND DID NOT NEED TO BE MADE INTO A MUSICAL

  • IF IT IS ORIGINAL, CLAIM IT IS DERIVATIVE OF A DIFFERENT MUSICAL


So there. [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] doesn’t need to be talked about anymore. Instead, check out [OTHER MUSICAL WHICH WE WILL USE THIS TEMPLATE FOR IN A FEW MONTHS]. It’s a much better show.