by Jason Keane. @aKeaneMachine.
[NEW YORK, NEW YORK… PROBABLY] - You may have heard about the hit show, [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] at some point.
People will tell you that it’s a [FANTASTIC/CLASSIC/REVOLUTIONARY] piece of art that deserves all of its praise. But what if I, a writer on the internet, told you that your friends were [WRONG/LYING/STUPID]?
[VERY POPULAR MUSICAL], in fact, is actually bad.
For those of you who don’t know, [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] has a very interesting history. You see, [INSERT ABRIDGED HISTORY OF THE SHOW WHICH PAINTS BROADWAY PRODUCERS AND THE THEATRE WORLD IN GENERAL AS SCUMMY]. It is the story of [DESCRIPTION OF THE MUSICAL WHICH MAKES IT SEEM VERY GOOD]. Sounds good, right?
Wrong. [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] is an [AWFUL/OFFENSIVE/OVERHYPED] piece of commercial theatre held together by a(n) [BORING/DERIVATIVE/ADMITTEDLY CATCHY] series of songs by [FAMOUS COMPOSER/WASHED UP POP STAR].
Honestly, I’m sick of it. If I see another theatre kid tweet [QUOTE FROM VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] I’m going to scream.
Now, I know what you’re thinking; “[INTENTIONALLY THIN ARGUMENT DEFENDING VERY POPULAR MUSICAL]” and I understand. I thought the same thing for a while, then I looked at [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] with a critical eye.
Let me explain my views:
[INSERT “YOUR VIEWS”:
POINTING OUT MINOR PLOT HOLE IN THE STORY, EXCLAIMING THAT WRITER/DIRECTOR IS AN IDIOT
POINT OUT LOGISTICAL FLAW IN THE STORY THAT SUPPOSEDLY DESTROYS SENSE OF REALISM IN AN ART FORM WHERE PEOPLE RANDOMLY BURST INTO SONG
IF IT IS AN ADAPTATION, CLAIM THAT THE ORIGINAL VERSION WAS BETTER AND DID NOT NEED TO BE MADE INTO A MUSICAL
IF IT IS ORIGINAL, CLAIM IT IS DERIVATIVE OF A DIFFERENT MUSICAL
So there. [VERY POPULAR MUSICAL] doesn’t need to be talked about anymore. Instead, check out [OTHER MUSICAL WHICH WE WILL USE THIS TEMPLATE FOR IN A FEW MONTHS]. It’s a much better show.