QUIZ: Can You Steal Leslie Odom Jr.'s Voice Before His Many Henchmen Take Charge?
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
Tony winner Leslie Odom Jr.’s golden, distinctive voice has been warming fans’ hearts and ears for over two decades. Many fans still don’t know, however, that his voice could be yours - if you can pull off the heist of the century.
Take our quiz below to find out if YOU are capable of stealing Leslie Odom Jr.’s voice, like a mystical sea witch, before his many, many tactical henchmen take charge.
1. What’s your first move?
A. Acquire the blueprints to Leslie’s home. From here, you’ll be able to assess where he rests after a long day of using The Mighty Voice, and perhaps even where he keeps The Mighty Voice (we’re assuming a locked safe).
B. Understand that any blueprints you can get your hands on are clearly decoys. Leslie Odom Jr. is no fool, and you are NOT the first crazy bastard to try and pull this thing off. He knows your first move before you do, and his henchmen are prepared. And there are many henchmen.
2. Do you act alone, or with a team?
A. Put together a team. This is the con of the century, and you can’t do it alone. You’ll need men on the inside, ex-navy seals, and a really good butcher to provide steaks as distractions for the henchmen. Except Hugo, who’s a vegetarian. You’ll have to get creative with Hugo.
B.Other people will just slow you down. Plus, this is a dangerous gig, and you don’t want other people’s blood on your hands. Leslie’s henchmen are highly trained, and have one goal in mind: protect The Mighty Voice. Plus there are a lot of them. One might say he went a little overboard on the henchmen.
3. When is the best time to strike?
A. Right after a performance. Leslie will be tired, vulnerable. This is your best opportunity to capture The Mighty Voice, plus all of the people present will help throw off your scent from the henchmen.
B. You fool. You arrogant, infant fool. You think there’s a “best time” to pull this off? Sweetie, the “best time” is whenever you’ve worked up enough nerve to finish the last drag of your cigarette and go with god. You’ve planned well, sure, but if you’re really the one to purloin the vocal cords of Carnegie Mellon’s Leslie Odom Jr., you’ll know when the time is right. Because the answer is never. The time is never right.
4. What do you do when Leslie inevitably notices you and orders his henchmen to “seize” you?
A. Run! Nothing you can do now but hope for the best.
B. Run! But only until you reach one of the Odom estate’s many trap doors. Remember those decoy blueprints from before? Well, little does Leslie Odom Jr. know, but you can be one step ahead too. Turns out you and Hugo used to serve together (at Subway) and he was in on it the whole time. Turns out that maybe, just maybe, working with others isn’t so bad after all.
5. You’ve somehow gotten The Mighty Voice. You… you did it. Now what?
A. Who knows?! Sell it, put it in a museum, find a way to swap it with your own voice and become a successful performer. The opportunities are limitless!
B. You fool. You god damned little fool. This isn’t about The Mighty Voice, it’s about the challenge. You didn’t spend months planning, risk everything, trick over 200 henchmen (really, Leslie, too many henchmen) so you could deprive the world of this man’s smooth tenor. You’re gonna give The Mighty Voice back, and he will accept, with a knowing nod. And all will be calm.
If you answered:
MOSTLY A’S: Sorry, but no, you cannot steal Leslie Odom Jr.s’ voice before his many henchmen take charge.
MOSTLY B’S: YOU FOOL! You forgot about the moat surrounding Castle Odom! As soon as you try to leave after returning the voice, you’ll be eaten by alligators with a liking for modern jazz infused pop music. There is no version of this story where you’re successful, for Leslie Odom Jr. knows the treasure he holds, and will stop at nothing (including keeping just SO many henchmen on payroll) to protect it.