“We’re Sooo Glinda and Elphaba,” says Best Friends Who Have Never Said a Kind Word About Each Other in Private

by HaleyJane Rose. @haleyisfamous.

ANN ARBOR, Mi — Self-proclaimed best friends and Musical Theatre BFA recipients Theresa Marino and Rachel Lavigne announced via a celebratory Instagram post today that they are “soo Glinda and Elphaba-coded,” despite having never said a kind word about each other when the other is not present.

“She’s the Glinda to my Elphaba,” exclaimed Marino before dropping to a whisper. “And that’s not just because she can’t belt as high as I can, I would never say that. I value female friendship so much. Which is why I always tell Rachel when she’s just wrong for a part I also happen to be going out for. Just like Wicked.”

Lavigne and Marino—who each strongly believe in the importance of quelling harmful sexist stereotypes, but also don’t know that the other has a Close Friends list—are still beaming after seeing the long-awaited sequel

I’m the Glinda to her Elphaba,” said Lavigne, while Facetuning only her side of a photo with the woman she supports most in this world. “And that’s not just because she can’t pull off pink, dainty dresses like me and coloratura soprano parts have always been a struggle for her. If we don’t have each other’s backs, who does? But no, we don’t have to invite her to dinner tonight,” she added, even though we didn’t ask.

College classmate Regina Lanklutter was quick to weigh in on the self-proclaimed “Defying Gravitwo.” 

“Yeah, they did not get the point of Wicked at all. If they did, they'd see that in actuality they’re both Madame Morrible,” said the college junior through tears, while sending heartfelt texts to the important women in her life. “Meaning they’d throw the other under a house so fast, if it meant getting their way. Also they're bitches.”

At press time, both Lavigne and Marino were found sobbing on opposite sides of a door, because they found out about each other’s Close Friends list.