Uh-Oh! High School Quarterback Threatened by Girlfriend’s Stage Kiss with Gayest Boy in School

 by T.J. Pieffer. @tjpieffer.

BUTLER, Pa. – Sophomore Tanner Garcia sent shockwaves through Harrison Area High School this week after reports broke that he has to kiss Natalie Shay on the lips for real during their spring production of Footloose - angering Natalie's jock boyfriend despite the fact that Tanner is, undoubtedly, the gayest boy in school.

“I’m not letting Natalie kiss that dude. I don’t care if it’s for a play. If she does, we’re done,” Senior Jake Miller, Ms. Shay’s boyfriend, told reporters while scratching a cool "S" onto his desk with a key. Mr. Miller notes he and Ms. Shay have been official boyfriend girlfriend for over four months. 

Jake became aware of the situation when Tanner, whose Instagram bio reads “everyone deserves a chance to fly 🌈🫧,” was approved to follow Natalie's private Finstagram account, noting that "she doesn’t even let me follow that.”

Elise Richardson, the musical’s director, insists the drama behind this kiss is fully unwarranted.

“Yes, the characters Ariel and Ren kiss on the lips after they sing ‘Almost Paradise.’ It's in the script. Why are you asking me this?" she questioned while slowly realizing we are not students. "Besides, it's Tanner. He is... not interested in Natalie. Am I allowed to say why, or is that wrong for a teacher?"

Mr. Garcia, was unavailable for comment on this story as his schedule was booked with musical rehearsal, gymnastics, and dance club.