BREAKING: World Premiere Musical Features the Music of Ed Sheeran, Also the Teeth of Ed Sheeran But We’re Not Sure What They Mean By That?

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

By Harald Krichel - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=88009757

NEW YORK, NY - It was announced this morning that a brand new musical titled Shape of You will make its world premiere on Broadway next Spring, featuring the music of multi-platinum singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran, as well as “the teeth" of Ed Sheeran, which we don’t really understand?

“Ed is a one-of-a-kind artist, and we can’t wait to showcase his unforgettable melodies, poetic lyrics, and 32 adult teeth in a whole new way,” noted producer Jessica Hanter, who just kept replying “exactly!” when asked how the teeth will be involved. “Fans will experience hits like ‘Perfect,’ ‘The A Team,’ his eight incisors, ‘Azizam’ and more!”

While we were really trying to figure out what the teeth of Ed Sheeran means - like, he doesn’t have famously recognisable teeth, right? - many fans were elated by the news.

“Jukebox musicals can be hit or miss, but I feel like this one’s gonna be special,” stated Broadway superfan Elijah Berry, who just kept saying “can’t wait!” when we asked him about the teeth. Ed’s songs are ripe for storytelling. I just hope they don’t go the & Juliet route. There were NO Max Martin teeth in that show.”

Many local performers were champing at the bit—goddammit—for a chance to join the OBC.

“The audition was pretty standard. 16 bars of any Ed song I like, a quick piece of choreo to ‘Bad Habits,’ and a 40 minute dental exam including x-rays,” claimed actress Bella Potry, who didn't answer at all when we asked about the teeth because she saw her friend Chloe in the waiting room, and they hadn’t seen each other in a while, so that was nice. 

“I didn’t like having to bring my own heavy protective x-ray vest, but hey, this industry requires investment.”

A press release for the show notes that it’s expected to be roughly 2:30 minutes, will have a brief out-of-town tryout at the orthodontist office closest to the La Jolla Playhouse, and features a very “molar-forward” second act opener that will “drill into the psyche” and leave fans “teething for more.”

The following was sent to us by the press team when we asked for any kind of further clarification at all regarding the teeth:

“Yeah we're gonna pass them out at the end.”