Actual PETER PAN GOES WRONG Stage Cannot Convince Audience the Fire is Real and Quickly Spreading
by Luke Maynus. @ luke.maynus
NEW YORK, NY — The real Peter Pan Goes Wrong stage manager (NOT the character) was met with infuriating laughs and apathy after informing the audience that the fire present on stage was completely unplanned, and immediate evacuation was necessary.
“What do you mean would I like to give a statement? YES! There’s a fire and we need everyone to evacuate immediately!” screamed Harper Callaway, the actual Peter Pan Goes Wrong stage manager (not the character), as they crawled under a thick wall of black smoke, cradling a lost child in a tattered blanket to protect them from the flames. “How did you guys even get in here? Please leave! Or call the fire department! JUST DO SOMETHING!”
Reagan Malls, an avid comedy fan and first time New York City tourist, gave a very positive review of the performance.
“I just love how immersive it is! I really feel like I’m part of the show,” exclaimed Malls over the sound of the crackling fire, as at the time of this interview, she was completely engulfed in flames. “My only complaint is I wish there was a warning for those of us in the front row like they do at Blue Man Group. I would’ve worn clothes I was okay with getting a little messy.”
Brandon Prunes, who plays the stage manager (the character) in Peter Pan Goes Wrong had his own perspective to give.
“Honestly, when I saw the curtains were on fire I really just thought, 'wow our production value has really gone up!'” revealed Prunes while executing a perfect Stop, Drop, and Roll technique, as he was also fully engulfed in flames. “I mean, we’d talked about it a few times in rehearsals, but I think we deemed it too dangerous.”
Thankfully, the New York City Fire Department responded to the scene fairly quickly, and although a majority of the patrons assumed they were also part of the play, they were able to put out the flames before there were any casualties.
In the true spirit of the show, the cast then immediately continued the performance without acknowledging the charred set around them.