Finally, a Perfect Role for Me! Young, Energetic, Good Temperament, Golden Fur & Oh It's For a Dog
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - Local actress Kaitlyn Roberts was ecstatic this week after finding a casting call perfect for her - middle age, high energy, a great temperament, and a short, clean coat of golden fur - the last of which shed light on the fact that the call was actually for a dog, sources confirmed.
“I was so excited, it’s rare to find a role that fits the bill so perfectly,” noted Roberts while Googling what DNA percentage dogs share with humans, just in case. “I thought that ‘good temperament’ was a bit odd, but hey, nobody wants to work with someone difficult. The fur thing was what made it clear - unless, do you think they meant hair instead of fur? Cause I can dye my hair. My arm hair too. Let me know.”
Roberts wasn’t the only performer to be recently thrown off by a dream role meant for a non-human.
“I was really pumped because it’s not often I see calls for extremely long necks and ears that stick up straight,” noted character actor Don Patrick Curtis. “It wasn’t until I saw the ‘Exotic Animals’ tag that I realized they were looking for a giraffe. I still went to the call, though. Drank out of a hole.”
Francis & Frances Casting, the company responsible for the mixups, weighed in on the false hope they’ve been providing.
“Always be sure to read the entire character description,” noted co-founder Francis Frances while finalizing a call for someone “Young, Light Blond, Athletic, and Can Run At Least 50 Miles Per Hour, clearly looking to cast a cheetah cub. “I can’t tell you how many times we’ve put out calls for animal handlers to bring us their elephants or zebras for a shoot and instead received a 26-year old Emerson grad wearing LaDucas even though there’s no dance call. I can’t tell you how close Air Bud was to being played by a woman named Annaliese.”
At press time, Roberts remained hopeful, still searching through the drudges of Backstage to find the perfect role. She’s tracked down a number of possible fits, but wasn’t particularly confident that she would book, seeing as she can’t naturally breathe under water.