by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
ROCKLAND, ME - The cast of Rockland High School drama club’s Fall production of South Pacific expressed their disbelief this morning after a video of the performance received zero nominations from the 2020 Academy Awards, sources confirmed.
“I guess it’s true what they say: man is the cruelest creature,” noted Senior Lizzie Horton, who just finished reading The Grapes of Wrath for AP English. “Hollywood really does build up their own and kick down the little guy, even if the little guy in question doesn’t truly qualify for any of the award categories, or even the preliminary screenings, because it's not a movie. Still, you don’t get to over 1000 views on Facebook in just under a month unless you’ve made something truly special."
The production, which featured over 19 cast members and only one major audio issue, brought upon after stage crew member Ben Williston forgot to change Lt. Joseph Cable’s mic battery, featured impeccable cinematography by “one of the community’s finest DP’s.”
“I used my iPhone 11. The camera is really impressive,” noted Junior David Compelly’s mother, Anna, who filmed from the third row of the auditorium. “At one point I had to go to the bathroom, so I gave it to Frances Killcrest, Howie's mother, who sat next to me. No, wait, behind me. She sat behind me. Frances did a good job, but maybe they disqualified the video because she’s non-union? These people really make you jump through hoops,” added Killcrest, who is also non-union.
The Broadway Beat reached out to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for their take on the controversial shutout.
“Yes, we got tagged in all of the Facebook posts and even the TikToks,” noted Academy President David Rubin, currently hiding from Lady Gaga. “We told them: you have to screen for at least seven days in a theater that seats over 60 people. If they had met that minimum requirement, they would have absolutely swept. I mean, did you see Helen Boyle’s performance as Bloody Mary? Unrivaled.”
At press time, the cast was still reeling after an audio rip of the performance, pulled from the Facebook video and edited in GarageBand, failed to garner a single nomination from the Grammy Awards.