by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
Fairfax, VA - The National Rifle Association announced today their plan to sponsor a revival of the classic 1946 Irving Berlin musical “Annie Get Your Gun”, retitled “Annie Keep Your Gun, It’s Your Right, Debate Me” to fit in with their current ideals.
“We are so excited to bring our organization into the world of musical theater,” says NRA spokesperson Dana Loesch. “It’s not just for hippy liberals - there’s a place on Broadway for a murder-loving, uh, I mean, fine and cool and, um, AMERICAN organization to have their moment in the spotlight. What, do you have a problem? Are you triggered? Do you want to debate me? Come on, debate me,” she added before returning to her coffin for a nap.
Other members of the controversial organization, who refuse to admit that their actions hold any responsibility for the 36,000 gun deaths in the U.S. each year, were equally excited by the group’s new foray.
“I watched a DVD of the original show, and it wasn’t for me,” claims NRA member Louis Cull. “Seeing that little girl with just a six shooter was boring. In the new version, Annie’s a smoking hot babe who carries two AR-15’s and eats fuckin’ beef jerky. Now that’s a musical. You disagree? You wanna debate me, lefty? Come on, debate me,” he added, covered in ham sweat and grease.
The production, which features new songs such as “I’m a Good, Good Man With a Gun” and “There’s No Business Like Government Lobbying”, has already drawn a bit of controversy in theatrical circles.
“The show is really poorly constructed propaganda,” notes Theater Life critic Daniel Poski. “They didn’t even have costumes. They all wore suits, with pins that said “we are not a terrorist organization,” which is totally something a terrorist organization would wear. Also, if I’m being honest, their box steps were a complete mess.”
Poski continued.
“What, do you disagree? Do you wanna debate me? Come on, debate me,” he said.
At press time, the organization of child murderers, whose board members are consistently resigning and whose tax exempt status is currently being investigated, mapped out plans for other sad, weird, gun-themed adaptations.
The group plans to stage an updated version of “Chicago” titled “Chicago Has The Highest Gun Violence Rates In The U.S. and It Has Nothing To Do With The Guns Themselves and We Are Not Racist,” as well as “Little Shop of Horrors”, set at a local high school, with the murderous plant Audrey II replaced by a 15-year old boy who was easily able to steal a rifle from his parents bedroom.