OH NO: Netflix Exec Seen Enjoying Your Favorite Musical

by Divyansh Kulshrestha.

NEW YORK, NY - In a worrying bit of news that has struck fear into the hearts of the entire fanbase, a high-ranking Netflix executive was spotted at the Sunday matinee of your favorite musical, seemingly enjoying himself.

“A chill ran down my spine when he approached,” said usher Trent Wrinkler, seen squirting the seats with holy water. “He was very invested the whole time, which really hurts to see. What scared me even more was when he shushed people around him and ignored a bunch of phone calls to focus on the show. What were those calls about? What were they about?!”

Self-proclaimed theatre expert and societally-proclaimed barista Marsha Peterson also offered her insights.

“There’s no other way to put this: he loved the musical, and I hate that. He just views this as a cash cow, banking on the nostalgia factor and the built-in fanbase.”

She pulled her Starbucks apron over her ‘We’re All Lesbians’ t-shirt and added, “This show was not made to be seen on your phone while sitting on the toilet.”

Sources also reported concerns over the fact that the Netflix exec had started smiling as the play reached its climax, even though the ending of the musical is meant to be heartbreaking.

“Let’s face it, the ending sucks,” said Alex Reznor, a diehard fan of the show. “What worries me is that he and his money-grubbing cronies might turn that stupid, messy ending around and make it… better. I can think of nothing worse.”

He dabbed at his sweaty brow with the sleeve of his ‘24601’ raglan.

“It’s not supposed to be better, it’s supposed to be mine. The suits just can’t understand the difference. This show was not made to be seen on your phone while sitting on the toilet.”

After the show, the situation reached an alarming level when the Netflix exec was seen calling an A-list actor who didn’t fit the profile of the main character at all, asking how long it’d take them to learn how to sing at a "toilet level."