• Broadway Beat

Musical Theatre Edger Keeps Hitting New Leading Tone but Never Modulates for Final Chorus

by Louie Aronowitz. @louiearonowitz.

WESTCHESTER, NY - While endlessly repeating the chorus of a song this week, singer Annabelle Linder continually teased a whole step modulation via a Neapolitan 6 chord, but never actually landed on the new tonic, extremely frustrated sources indicate.


“I don’t think I can take it anymore,” said listener Coby Small, experiencing violent convulsions of withdrawal from the withholding. “The tension has been building for so long. When the new key finally comes I’m going to explode.”


Linder has been engaging in the practice of musical edging in livestreams, explaining the greater the tension built, the more satisfying the release will eventually be.


“If you can just get closer and closer to the big climactic moment without ever actually doing it, they love to hate it,” she added after 20 minutes of silence, presumably building tension towards the very comment she gave. “The best is when you break into a minor pentatonic over the original key after all that edging, really give the listener those painful blue notes.”


Though many enjoy the practice, musicologists have explained it’s actually a dangerous practice that will have residual effects on society at large.


“If young people are being exposed to this type of sadistic practice online, when they get to a real world interaction, they won’t understand how to perform appropriately,” said Dr. Cindy Park, playing a dangerously meandering through-composed song that feels like hours at the 30 second mark to showcase the true dangers of the practice. “It’s a slippery slope from musical theater edgers to full-on aural misconduct! Do better!”


Though Linder withheld satisfaction from the listener, she did offer to finally resolve into the new key on an OnlyFans exclusive stream for a $9,000/month subscription fee.