by Lisa Cowan. @lisallyblonde.
CHICAGO - Cook County resident Amos Hart, known locally as “Mr. Cellophane”, is facing a trademark infringement lawsuit after refusing to genericize his moniker. The DuPont Cellophane Co., which holds the trademarked term “cellophane”, objected to Mr. Hart’s use of the term for commercial purposes, and demanded that he adopt the more generic “Mr. Transparent Wrapping” or face a federal suit.
“Mr. Transparent Wrapping?! No way!” exclaimed Hart, sporting customized red and black “I’m Mr. Cellophane” trilby, matching buttons and shoelaces. “What would the fellas at the garage think? I’d be a laughingstock! And what would I do with all this merch?” he asked, indicating the hundreds more boxes of trilbies, buttons and shoelaces which fill Hart’s Southside apartment.
Hart’s defense counsel, local attorney Edward Williams, is confident of victory. Williams is expected to argue that “cellophane” has become synonymous with “transparent wrapping”, and is therefore no longer deserving of trademark status.
“Ya ain’t heard nobody out dere saying “transparent wrapping!” It’s all cellophane – you know it, my client knows it, the fellas at the grodge know it,” Williams insisted, reluctantly sporting an “I’m Mr. Cellophane” cap. “Dose guys [the plaintiff] are outta their goddamn minds.” However, when questioned as to the viability of his client’s commercial venture, or whether the merchandise was likely to invite ridicule, Williams declined to comment.
Corporate sources confirm that a federal complaint has indeed been filed at the Cook County Superior Court, and maintain that the wrapping giant has no intention of backing down.
“Look, we know this guy’s small potatoes,” conceded DuPont Marketing Manager, Lindsay Johnson, wearing a black bowler hat for some reason. “I’ve been busting my hump for six years trying to sell the boys upstairs on a Mr. Cellophane pageant. We’re trying to rebrand as the ultimate home accessory for the modern man over here! If this tragic, middle-aged divorcee ends up repping the brand, my neck is on the line. This is not how I go out!”
While the matter has been set for trial, it is legally uncertain whether Plaintiff will be able to recover any damages until Mr. Hart actually makes a sale.