Mom Calling! Janet’s Daughter Does Community Theatre Six States Away From You, Do You Know Her?

by Jennifer Haining. @itsraininghianing.

LIBERTYVILLE, IL — So your mom has called three times this morning! Do you think someone must have died? Worry not! When you called back, she just wanted to know if you know Janet’s daughter Cara, who does theatre hundreds of miles away in a state you’ve never been to.

“I know you just did that Mamma Mia! concert eight years ago at Below 54,” your mother said, barely audible over the screeching of the garbage disposal as she started doing the dishes she’s been ignoring all day, until right before calling you. “So I thought you might know Cara, who is apparently playing Sophie at a community theater in Utah this month!”

Cara, who recently decided to move to NYC because she won a U-Tony Award for her strikingly literal rendition of “It’s A Privilege To Pee” in the local library’s production of Urinetown, thinks this timing is so crazy cuz she’s actually been dying to talk to you ever since she found out you existed last night.

“It’s so great our moms connected us,” said Cara on the phone an hour later after you explicitly told your mother not to give your number to strangers. "I’d love to grab a coffee and pick your brain for a couple six hours, and subsequently Facebook message you every day for the first year I’m in the city — if that’s ok?”

At press time— oh look! Cara just forwarded her reel. 

After the first ten seconds of what could generously be described as a “technically accurate” rendition of “My Days” from The Notebook, you decided to close the laptop and make a triple old fashioned to forget that you ever came to this city.

Mom called again, but you didn't pick up because it’s probably nothing! You should call her back, though, because she actually does have some tragic news to share.