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MFA Recipient Spends Four Hours Self-Taping Perfect Hot Dog Bite

by Conor Moroney. @conorseamusactor.

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY - Erika Raines, a recipient of a Master of Fine Arts from a prestigious drama school, has spent four hours self taping the perfect hot dog bite for potential casting in a national commercial.

"I really threw myself into it,” Raines said via Zoom, her Masters degree in frame next to a few opened bags of hot dog buns. “It utilized all of my Linklater and Alexander techniques. I was dropped in; I even used sense memory to encapsulate the utter bliss of biting into a July Fourth staple. I am prepared to commit myself totally to be the brand ambassador of Harrisville Franks.”

Jonathan Donovan, Raines' roommate, recalled the arduous "process" she went through to achieve the perfect mouthful of the controversial sandwich.

”It brought me back in school where I was Laertes to her Ophelia,” Donovan said, appearing exhausted and dipping a hot dog roll into a glass of whiskey. “Even being her reader, you felt caught up in her commitment of taking twenty morsels of these things before taking a sip of water. She would go through each take and point out every imperfection and demand another go. It was like working with Kubrick…in every possible way…"

Lucas Earlman, Erika’s former professor and current acting coach, took time from deconstructing Where the Wild Things Are to fit modern sensibilities so we could discuss his contributions to her prep work.

"She had initially booked a standard two hour session," Earlman said in the alleyway of his theater where The Future is decided. “But then she came in with all these dramaturgical research on Harrisville and their meat tubes, and I knew we’d be in for the long haul. Her persistence has secured a new light board for Supercilious Theatre.”

At press time, it is reported that Raines feels confident in her submission, but if it isn’t meant to be, then she’s prepared to go out for the spokesperson for Barry Bonds Better Biscuit Board.


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