Man Smug About Knowing People Will be Smug About People Being Shocked at the End of HADESTOWN

by Shane Pauker. @shanepauker.

Original photo by Matthew Murphy.

SAN FRANCISCO - Casual theater fan Andrew Liu has accurately predicted that other Hadestown attendees will be smug about crowd reactions to the musical’s famed tragic ending, annoyed sources report.

“I told my friends to listen for the scoff after the gasp at the end of the show,” Liu recounted, panting heavily after a self-satisfied victory lap around the theater. “Orpheus will surprise people when he turns back to Eurydice, and other people will judge them for not knowing the end of the myth. Let me tell you: I engaged with the writing better than those people."

"I knew the end of the myth and I still felt surprised, because I can suspend my disbelief. I immerse myself in stories, unlike these chumps who paid $130 to judge other people. I don’t need that kind of judgement to enjoy the musical; I’m perfectly satisfied with my other, more complicated kind of judgement.”

Liu’s friends confirm that he revels in overcomplicated judgement.

“I keep going to shows with him, and he keeps finding new ways to judge people,” whispered Liu’s co-attendee Alicia Thomson, hiding from him with a crumpled Playbill.

“He acted dazzled when the cast came into the house during Cats, just to annoy anyone who thought they were above Cats. Then he actually tried to give money to Harold in The Music Man — and outbid other audience members! Sure, he was right to judge people who laughed at the wrong parts of Cabaret, but I wonder if he only thinks musicals are something to be ‘won’ by interpreting ‘correctly.’”

Liu’s detractors have argued that their smugness is valid.

“I’d never read Orifice and Yourmajesty before my girlfriend dragged me here to ‘engage with culture’ or whatever,” audience member Sam McVie admitted, sporting a tuxedo-printed tee shirt. “But I’m no idiot. The whole play builds around the futility of hope in an industrial-fascist system. Of course they’re going to have a tragic ending! The apple was put in Eden specifically to eat. You’d be stupid not to see it!”

At press time, Liu was seen correcting somebody who erroneously corrected somebody else for calling a musical a “play.”