“Macavity’s Not There!” Exclaims Theatre Kid During Visit to the Dentist

by Matt Keeley. @reallymattkeeley.

APPLETON, WI - Flummoxed receptionists and dental hygienists alike expressed confusion over the recent checkup of professed musical enthusiast Elliot Tinsley, who exclaimed mid-procedure that, “Macavity’s not there!”

“Elliot’s a mystery, that’s for sure. He came in with his mom and was showing signs of discomfort during our evaluation. Having a cavity at his age is common, almost expected even,” explained perplexed dentist Bea Hartung, who searched through every crevice with the height of dental care, yet even with her expertise the cavity's not there!

 “I couldn’t find anything! So I emphasized the importance of proper brushing at least twice a day, flossing nightly, and moderating sweets. If you ask me, I think the kid’s been eating too many jellicle beans lately.”

Compounding the visit’s difficulty, office records had inexplicably turned up altered or vandalized after his appointment.

“I’m baffled, I can truly say. The greenhouse glass is broken, the trellis is past repair, and I can’t find the insurance information for any of our patients in the past six months,” complained receptionist Gwen Williquette, who also discovered her default internet browser set to Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Wikipedia page. “I don’t know how he does it. But that kid’s got an alibi and more to spare. Oh! Well I never! Was there ever a kid so clever…”

Tinsley’s mother Rebecca, who had driven him to his appointment after school, recounted similar confounding incidents with her son.

“You know, this has happened a few times before. I tell him that bedtime is at 9pm, I tuck him in, and when I think he’s half-asleep he’s always wide awake!” she confided, her brow deeply lined with thought, “He’s outwardly respectable, but I always wonder what’s going on in that head of his. First the milk is missing, then the larder’s looted, and now this! I just hope it’s a phase. Just a memory we can look back on and have a laugh.”

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity

He’ll even get inside your teeth, no end to his depravity

His corrosion of enamel will require tooth repair

But when the dentist looks inside—Macavity’s not there!

You can grab yourself a sucker and hop down from the chair—

But I tell you once, and once again—Macavity’s not there!