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HS Theatre Teacher Choosing Next Musical Based On Adult Role He Wants to Shoehorn Himself Into

by Kath Dunham. @kathdunham.

CRANSTON, RI - According to students at Cranston High School in Rhode Island, theater teacher Colin Hayes is choosing next Fall’s musical based off of which adult role he wants to shamelessly shoehorn himself into, the ambitious instructor confirmed.

“Maybe I could even swing playing Teen Angel in Grease? He’s older and I’d get a song,” contemplated Hayes. “Or I could pick a smaller part — like a butler in Annie — which would make people really laugh. Obviously, the holy grail would be the dad in Beauty and the Beast. These kids just couldn’t carry the emotional weight of that role.”

Senior Emily Squash explained that Hayes has a history of choosing musicals for this reason.

“Last year we did West Side Story just because he wanted to play Doc,” Squash reported. “We didn’t have nearly enough students for that show, especially dancers. But he just really wanted to play Doc.”

Junior Josh Newman shared a similar viewpoint.

“Yeah, Mr. Hayes won’t do a show unless he can play one of the adults,” noted Newman. “My big brother did theater with him and I guess he’s always been this way. They did Spelling Bee for their Senior show and, even though there are so few roles to begin with, Mr. Hayes insisted he play one of the adults since he’s an adult and goes to New York every summer or something.”

At press time, Mr. Hayes finally settled on playing the Bishop in Les Mis, ignoring the fact that his students don’t have the vocal chops for all the other parts.