by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - He’s at it again! Reports are surfacing that famed con man Harold Hill has arrived in New York City, successfully pulling off one of his infamous schemes by convincing the producers of Beetlejuice, currently breaking box office records at the Winter Garden Theater, to close next year so he can use the theater for a revival of The Music Man, sources confirmed.
“This was easier than convincing those dumb kids to buy my instruments,” noted Hill, who in this iteration bares a striking resemblance to Hugh Jackman. “Now I can use the space for my next big con - staging a high-profile revival of one of Broadway’s most iconic musicals - before hopping to another theater to close them early and stage another lucrative revival,” he added, clearly learning nothing from previous experiences.
Fans of Beetlejuice, which just broke the weekly gross record for a show at the Winter Garden, were understandably devastated by the news. However, even they had to acknowledge Hill’s cunning plot.
“Oh man, he got them good,” noted Beetlejuice super fan Danny Fort. “He kept saying ‘whimsical costumes and an inventive stage plot are trouble, it’ll get your kids into bad stuff’, and eventually they folded and opted for a safer show. He even convinced them to keep the same house staff - although now that I think of it, that may just be job security,” he added.
Tony award winner Sutton Foster, who is set to play Marian in the revival, also felt duped by Hill’s con.
“I thought he was a nice man who just wanted to stage a fun musical, and maybe help my younger brother get over his lisp if there’s time,” noted the actor. “I had no idea he planned on shuttering another show to do it. He’s a flip and a dirty con, but hey, I booked,” she added.
At press time, Hill was seen lurking around the Al Hirschfield Theatre, attempting to think up how to get producers of Moulin Rouge! to close before next year’s Tony’s so he can stage a last minute revival of A Chorus Line and sweep the award ceremony.