REPORT: That One Girl You Got Your BFA With Still Calls Her Non-Industry Boyfriend a Muggle
by Elanna White. @Ewelannawhite.
NEW YORK, NY- Local BFA graduate Ann Barrett clutched her Culture cold brew and cookie this morning, following a troubling run-in with that one girl she got her BFA with who still calls her non-industry boyfriend a “Muggle", shaken sources confirmed.
“I was walking, and then I heard 'Oh my GODDDD!!!' and knew it was trouble," noted Barrett, as the numbers 520 loomed above her. “I’d recognize that voice anywhere. You don’t just forget the voice of someone you heard crying before 9am three times a week. I realized then, though, I couldn’t place her name. Her voice, sure, but her name escaped me. It doesn’t matter though...she is no one and everyone you got your BFA with. You know the girl.”
Kelley Beck, a barista at the Gregory’s on that block, watched the whole thing go down from the windows.
“Oh, she’s here almost every day and does this ALL the time.” Beck told us, sipping a decaf chai like it were a glass of whiskey. “She constantly runs into people and I can always tell it takes a moment for people to place her. She talks about her boyfriend John a lot, so when I heard his name, I knew she was going to say it before she did. It was like slow motion watching the letters pour out of her mouth. ‘M-U-G-G-L-E.’”
John, The Boyfriend, agreed to comment, expressing confusion on the origins of the phrase.
“She’s been calling me this to people since high school.” John told us while sitting in their living room with their cat, Ripley. “At first I thought she was just a big Harry Potter fan, but then I got her a special edition for her birthday and she didn’t even know it was a book series.”
When asked if she ever started reading them, John clarified that once she found out the series was written by a woman, she immediately got to work.
“She didn’t want to google anything, she wanted a fresh take. She loves a girlboss.” Her one-woman, entirely un-researched show about JK Rowling’s life is set to have its debut at the Duplex next February.