Woman Watching THE GILDED AGE During the Daytime Upset to Find Out Leads Aren’t On

by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.

NEW YORK, NY - Local theatre fan and avid HBO Max subscriber Lynn Pollut expressed her disappointment this afternoon, after streaming The Gilded Age at approximately 2:00pm and noticing several leads replaced by lesser-known actors, the understanding-yet-still-let-down individual confirmed.

“When you get so many theatre actors in one place, you kind of expect this could happen, but it’s still a bummer,” noted Pollut, who decided, after all, not to scream at the TV asking any of the actors to sign her couch cushion. “I wanted to see Christine Baranski and Audra McDonald, but at least the actors who replaced them were incredible. You could see they really wanted to seize the opportunity after mostly doing tours - and of course by ‘tours’, I mean bit roles on Law & Order.”

The show’s ensemble cast - which includes Broadway luminaries from Denée Benton to Patrick Page to Nathan Lane and more people your nephew always talks about - were quick to defend the casting shake-up.

“These roles are quite draining. From the language, to the sets, and even the corsets. We can’t be expected to do the role three million times per week, which is what HBO is hoping for in terms of first-week ratings,” noted actor Cynthia Nixon, who splits her performance schedule between The Gilded Age and And Just Like That…, adding further strain on her acting chops.

“The swings are incredible, though. One day they’re playing a rich oil tycoon who’s sassy and hot, and the next day they’re playing a lowly servant who’s sassy and hot. It really shows that if you give someone the opportunity, they’ll turn in a wonderful performance that is both sassy and hot.”

Still, not all Gilded Babes (the fan name we’re trying to make stick) were accepting of the unannounced replacements.

“I work evenings, so can only watch during the afternoons. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to see the marquee names?” questioned Max Futters, who “rushed” his screening of The Gilded Age by stealing his ex’s password. “If I wanted to watch community theatre interpretations of great television, I’d watch something on NBC.”

At press time, HBO executives were considering an exchange policy, allowing fans a refund on their subscription if their favorite star were to miss a show. The policy only counts for HBO originals and not HBO Max series, though it has been announced that for Tuesday viewings of Hacks, the role of Deborah Vance will be played by Donna Murphy.