Cryptic Meaning? We Sat Down with the Ghost from PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and He Just Kept Saying “Sir I’m an Usher, Please Let Me Do My Job”
by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
NEW YORK, NY - Boo, baby! We sat down with the spooky-ooky ghost from Broadway’s Paranormal Activity, and he (it?) kept relaying the same eerie, cryptic message: “Sir I’m an usher, I am at work and just need to do my job.” We’ve got goosebumps!
We first caught this creature of the night as we were struggling to find our seat (our ticket had a row and seat number, but that could mean anything). The spectre asked us if we needed help, and the craziest part is that we didn’t even need a ouija board to communicate. When we asked how long he’s been stuck between realms, he simply said, “Uhh, only a few weeks. I was an usher at Dog Day Afternoon too.”
What could these preternatural words mean? We had to dig deeper.
“Are you done? I have a lot of other people to seat,” he said, the cobwebs practically oozing from the decrepit gash he called "lips."
We eventually found our seat, opened our hot pastrami sandwiches (I don’t see a sign that says you can’t eat one of those? Seriously, where does it say I can’t have hot pastrami at the theatre?), and prepared for a wonderful show—only to be haunted by this wretched wraith once more.
“Sir, you can’t eat that open-faced hot pastrami in the theatre,” bellowed the being, centuries of horrid memories practically sloughing off of the poltergeists' pelt. “Also, please stop splashing me with water. I know you think it’s holy water, but I can tell you just filled an empty Yoohoo bottle in the bathroom sink.”
As the show began, we experienced one final fright, this time showing the full range of the apparition’s apparatus.
As we began to film the play’s opening scene (so that we could watch it later, in worse quality, of course), the ghost forced a beam of light out of his hands like some kind if undead Spiderman if the spiderwebs were light I guess.
“No photography!” he howled like a banshee in the night, and before we knew it, we were on our way out of the theatre—escaping much like the Lutz family escaped the Amityville home, if by “escaped” you meant ”were escorted out of.”
So, if you like being haunted, being cast upon by mystical lights, and having your really fresh and hot pastrami sandwiches confiscated by dead guys, then we definitely recommend Paranormal Activity on Broadway.
It’s the scariest thing on Broadway—other than ticket prices! Hahah
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