by Zach Raffio. @zachraffio.
LOS ANGELES - Casting Directors nationwide are rejoicing today as they have finally, after decades of searching, found an actor who lists “Licensed Driver” on their acting resume, setting themselves up for a slew of theater roles that thousands have been unqualified for, sources confirmed.
“This really is a game changer,” noted Lawrence Tellnat, founder of Tellnat Casting Co. “It’s easy to find an actor who can do an Italian accent or one who’s trained in rapier-level stage combat, but to find one who can operate a motor vehicle? This really opens the door for so many of those famous ‘person drives an actual car on stage’ roles.”
Other casting directors chimed in with their acclaim for the young actor’s unique ability.
“We’ve been watering at the mouth for someone who knows how to do a three-point turn,” noted award-winning casting director Patricia Leoeli. “The grace, the confidence, the precision - being a licensed driver tells us everything we need to know about an actor. So what if their only role was the ensemble in a high school production of Fiddler on the Roof from 14 years ago. They have what we want, and what we want is someone legally allowed to drive in the state of California.”
Caroline Dallas-Weiner, the actor who took a leap of faith and noted this very special skill on her CV, shared her own words of wisdom for anyone looking to stand out from the pack.
“I failed my road test twice, but now I’m the hottest actor in the business - crazy how things change,” noted Dallas-Weiner while deciding which major agency to sign with. “I do fear this will create a bunch of copycats who start listing ‘licensed driver’ on their resume to steal my thunder, but I have a backup bombshell just in case: I’m intermediate at Microsoft Office.”
At press time, Dallas-Weiner has already been offered a slew of roles, including stage adaptations of Herbie: Fully Loaded, Speed, and the upcoming Off-Broadway run of The Fast & The Furious: The Musical, in which, as the only actor qualified, she will play every role.